QUOTATIONS
PEOPLE DON’T CHANGE
YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE THEM
Nalia
This is one of several quotations prominently posted on the bulletin board outside my Counseling Office at UCONN.. This one of those pithy quotations that says a lot in so few words. The above very insightful phrase was uttered by a San Francisco food pantry volunteer named Nalia and can be found in Sara Miles inspirational book Take This Bread: A Radical Conversion (http://www.amazon.com/Take-This-Bread-Radical-Conversion/dp/0345486927)
The message is profound. It means that some of the people that we care for are seldom capable of change. To disturb ourselves over their faults especially the ones that have caused us pain in our life is a waste of our time and theirs. But if we love them and want to go on with our life without the anger and resentment eating away at our psyches, the only option we have is simply to forgive them ---- and move on. One of my very perceptive students supplied an addendum. “But you don’t have to live with them”.
Forgiveness is very difficult for most people especially when it involves someone they have loved and trusted. Anger and resentment directed against loved ones can be internalized and reside in our subconscious like a parasite, eating away at our egos like a cancer. Children and parents are sometimes alienated from each other for decades. Siblings can hold grudges against each other and never engage each other for an entire lifetime. Married couples can live together in an atmosphere of silent hatred and passive aggressive taunts for the entirety of their marriage.
Like the father in the parable of the Prodigal Son, we have to forgive our loved ones so that we can move on with our lives. It is downright therapeutic. As my student added, we don’t have to approve of their behavior but we have to forgive them. You know the saying “ hate the sin but love the sinner”
JVP
YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE THEM
Nalia
This is one of several quotations prominently posted on the bulletin board outside my Counseling Office at UCONN.. This one of those pithy quotations that says a lot in so few words. The above very insightful phrase was uttered by a San Francisco food pantry volunteer named Nalia and can be found in Sara Miles inspirational book Take This Bread: A Radical Conversion (http://www.amazon.com/Take-This-Bread-Radical-Conversion/dp/0345486927)
The message is profound. It means that some of the people that we care for are seldom capable of change. To disturb ourselves over their faults especially the ones that have caused us pain in our life is a waste of our time and theirs. But if we love them and want to go on with our life without the anger and resentment eating away at our psyches, the only option we have is simply to forgive them ---- and move on. One of my very perceptive students supplied an addendum. “But you don’t have to live with them”.
Forgiveness is very difficult for most people especially when it involves someone they have loved and trusted. Anger and resentment directed against loved ones can be internalized and reside in our subconscious like a parasite, eating away at our egos like a cancer. Children and parents are sometimes alienated from each other for decades. Siblings can hold grudges against each other and never engage each other for an entire lifetime. Married couples can live together in an atmosphere of silent hatred and passive aggressive taunts for the entirety of their marriage.
Like the father in the parable of the Prodigal Son, we have to forgive our loved ones so that we can move on with our lives. It is downright therapeutic. As my student added, we don’t have to approve of their behavior but we have to forgive them. You know the saying “ hate the sin but love the sinner”
JVP
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